Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
