u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
