I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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