ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We named our party play list daddy issues
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
