just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
