smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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