Apparently you make a good broom.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
