i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
