Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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