how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
