You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
