When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
