3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
