i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
