I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
