take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
