I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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