I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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