Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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