He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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