Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
