Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dick very happy bro
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
