dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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