There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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