Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
