Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
