On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
