My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
