9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
