her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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