Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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