Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
They have beer where we have blood.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
