Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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