Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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