In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
