I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
