walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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