dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
