I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
