thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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