Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
