I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
