I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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