she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I can't turn off my feet"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
