Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
