and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have feelings that need drinking.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
