I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
