Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
that may or may not have been my penis.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
