She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
