drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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