please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
