You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
