did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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