Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
