im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
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