Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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