Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
