y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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