she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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