I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
