i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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