Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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