Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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